Didn't expect this :(

I was in me undies counting sheep trying to fall asleep when me mate's mom burst into my room yelling "Steve, help me print this god damn visa application form. Those bloody printers and laggy emails ain't freaking working". So I got up and logged into my email and saw this fishy unread mail titled "Cogratulasions" send by fijitaupimu69x. I mean, who the hell can't spell words these days, unless its an alien civilisation struggling to recruit me for their space program. Couldn't be bothered to help me mate's mom print her dumb application so I told her to wait outside till me put my pants on. But in the mean time I clicked open the email and found out that I've been accepted to Berkeley. But I mean, I didn't apply to Berkeley at all, I applied to Berklee College of Music. Them bloody application agents with bad English must have accidentally threw my application to the Berkeley portal instead of Berklee! "There was no freaking way imma attend Berkeley" I thought to myself, how the heck am I going to park my two Buggatis when my Nobel medal hasn't arrived yet. Just when I was about to click the "decline" button the annoying woman knocked the soul outta my bedroom door again. Thank god I didn't click the damn decline button, cuz I just found out my stepdad donated ten Ferraris for that offer.

From well-known German uni, 1.7 GPA

IGNORE Status -- Has anyone heard from MSU?

So there I was, having a casual chat with my mom about my college options, when suddenly my phone rings. I see an unknown number from the US and assume it's just another scammer trying to get me to buy some dodgy product. But my mom keeps insisting that I attend MIT, which is really starting to piss me off. So, in a fit of rage, I hang up on her and answer the "scam call". "Good afternoon, I am calling on behalf of the Admission Committee at Stanford Mechanical Engineering to notify you that you have been enthusiastically recommended admission." What the hell?! I never even applied to Stanford! I guess those admission officers must have stumbled upon my Google Scholar page and been blown away by my impressive h-index and my two ancient nature papers from primary school, which I wrote while trynna figure out how legos work. But there was no way I was going to Stanford. I mean, have you seen that tree mascot? It's like they picked it up from a cartoon show. No, I much prefer Sammy the slug at UC Santa Cruz. Plus, California is way too hot for me. So, I told the lady on the phone, "Sorry, but hell nah ma'am. I'll pass on Stanford. I prefer my Sammy the Slug and the cool, coastal weather of Santa Cruz." Feeling pretty pleased with myself, I hung up the phone and decided to go out clubbing to celebrate my decision. But as luck would have it, I forgot my ID at home. God damn it! It's a good thing I have that Stanford acceptance to fall back on, right? Just kidding, I'd rather get kicked out of a club than attend that silly school.

No TA or RA opportunities. 2 year cost of program mentioned in the mail is $133k. Will be mostly rejecting it for UMichigan. Still waiting to hear back from Stanford, MiT (MEng : Interviewed, decision pending, Purdue)

Expected. But offer states in bold no funding is going to be available. Will decline 90% for UIUC .

One Q1 paper in a distinguished journal (H-index above 100 and IF above 5.5), MSc GPA of 3.5/4, 3 partly strong LORs, and TOEFL iBT: 100. This is my 3rd rejection. I am really disappointed. :-(

I tried to connect with PI's before but I don't think I "clicked" with any

4r/0a/0w/4p

Had 2 years of research at a fluid dynamics lab, 2 summers of Samsung Electronics internship,